My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
