Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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