And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
