Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
