haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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