i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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