I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
God I need to hump something, right now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
