dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
