it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
