Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
A+ Viking dick
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
