She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
