Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
