I feel like I'm in dance class right now
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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