my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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