literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
