Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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