Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
