She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
