me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
