she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
