It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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