Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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