Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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