I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize