piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
