It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
