I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
