Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
