Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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