She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
