This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
