You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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