White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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