Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
