you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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