Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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