so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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