how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
