he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The air was thick with penises
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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