btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
