Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
