R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
that may or may not have been my penis.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
