I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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