Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
