Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
