Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
