that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize