I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
