im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
