Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
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