Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
