Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's never too late to be topless.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
