if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dicks are not precious.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
