I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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