i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize