Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
