he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
