Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
