Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
