the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
it's great music for shaving your balls
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
