Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
