remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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