left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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