I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
