I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
