I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
