I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
