Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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