The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
