Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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