the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
ttyl tear gas
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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