i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
