What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
